Working on a Marriage

Today I was reading day one of the Love Dare book. I have started this before and I didn't make it through. I could have but, it was sadly not a priority for me. However, having joined the "Love in Action" blog, it has reminded me daily that I need to keep my marriage a priority and that it takes effort to make it work. I can't wake up in the morning, get out of bed without speaking to my husband, get dressed and start getting the girls dressed. This sounds so silly but I so often do it. My alarm goes off in the morning and I often groan my way out of bed and don't even acknowledge my husband. Most of our morning is spent not talking due to me trying to get the girls up, dressed, and fed. Other than a quick bye, we don't talk in the morning. I can see how this rubs off on the rest of our day. I go to work, deal with the Air Force, pick up the girls, try to fix dinner and I am usually stressed by the time I get home. I have noticed that I am snappy with my husband when he asks me what I did that day. Rob (like his mother) asks lots of questions. I feel like I am coming home to an interrogation, he wants to know why I am so secretive. What a HUGE misunderstanding. He is curious about my day, and I take it as a cross-examination. So, todays Dare was not to say anything negative to my spouse. Actually, it was pretty easy. He was mission planning so most of our day was spent apart. Still, I succeeded! I won't blog about this everyday just on days that are significant!

Today's Doctor Appointment

Another appointment down, just a few more to go. I went to my doctor's office today and for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I didn't have to do bloodwork. YAY! One of the things different about delivering in Germany is that they require lab work every single appointment. Having a urine test is normal but they also require blood work every appointment. However, this week was an exception, only a urine sample was required. I checked in and went and sat in the waiting room where I browsed through German magazines and sipped sparkling water, ugh. The nurse called me back and did weight and blood pressure then I had to lie down for 30 minutes while they monitor the baby's heart beat. This could be an enjoyable time except for the machine sounds more like a goose honking than it does a heartbeat. After this was over, I returned to the weighting room for about 10 minutes until Dr. Kaschel called me back. Here is another instance that is unique to my German experience with OB doctors. I go in the doctor's office and sit down and he asks questions and chats, very personable, nothing is rushed. I side-step a bit to tell you about my very first appointment. I met the doctor and he invited me into his office and proceeded to tell me why he liked being a doctor and why he liked delivering babies. This doctor I have also seen climb on a table and beat a printer that was jammed. As you see, this is not typical doctor behavior. For those that have babies, you know your first appointment usual entails a pelvic exam. Regardless of how many of these you have, they never become "second nature" or easy or something you don't dread. However, my first appointment when I got into position which, is a chair in germany not a table, he looked at me and asked, "Have you ever been to Mount Kilimanjaro?" Needless to say it was a good distraction. Anyway, I digress. He asked me how I was feeling, if I was tired, if I was having contractions, any bleeding, etc. Then he tells me to get ready for my pelvic exam. He has a closet-like space in his office that opens into the exam room. The closet space is for you to take your clothes off. Being use to dealing with Americans, whom Europeans say are rediculously modest, he provides a towel to wrap around your waste so that you don't have to parade out naked. Here is another difference between German and American OBs. You get a pelvic exam every single appointment. He told me today that my cervix was starting to open so make sure that I call him immediately if I should start with contractions since I am about 4 weeks from my due date. The only other difference in today's appointment is that I didn't get an ultrasound. Once again, unlike the US, we have ultrasounds every single appointment. All I can say is that German doctors are either very thorough or, they are gouging Tricare for everything they can. Anyway, that was my appointment today. Everything is good with the mild exception of already starting to dilate. His guesstimate is about 2 more weeks. We will see what it brings...maybe a baby!

Anticipation

As of this week I am 35 weeks pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little boy, Matthew Thomas. This pregnancy from the beginning has been a little more difficult than my previous two.

I started out with placenta previa which was a scary time. I started bleeding around week 11 and of course was worried that I was gonna loose my baby. My doctor put me on bed rest for 1 month and the problem cleared within that time. Still, morning sickness was more severe with this little one than in the past. My second trimester passed by rather uneventful and I finally entered number three. I don't recall with my last two pregnancies being this uncomfortable or having such a difficult time sleeping. I often feel that Matthew is trying to stand up inside me and it is very uncomfortable. My appointments have gone pretty uneventful. Last month my doctor was worried because my cervix was already softening up quite a bit. My blood sugar level was high as well. He told me to lay off the sweets, and to take it easy. Well, I do work full time and have two girlies at home to care for so, taking it easy is difficult. He told me at the least to stop exercising until after delivery. I had been attending an awesome spin class twice a week for an hour. Anyway, I retook the glucose test and it came back fine this time.

So, now I await delivery! Even though this is my third delivery, I am still scared. I live in Germany now and though I have visited the hospital and memorized what I need to do once I go into labor, it still scares me that there is a language barrier. My doctor speaks excellent English but, doctors don't attend the delivery unless problems arise. I will be attended by a midwife, which does not speak English. I paid a visit to the maternity ward at the local hospital and I will admit that I was impressed. The rooms were all private and really big. They contained a bed, birthing chair, tub, and a series of ropes hanging from the ceiling. I'm unsure about the ropes but, the chair seemed like a perfect option. The rooms I noticed were very warm, like too warm. I asked the lady giving the hospital tour about the temperature and she told us that the rooms were kept exceptionally warm because they didn't want the baby to be shocked, temperature wise, when they were born. I guess my biggest concern is being in a severe amount of pain and not being able to relay to the nurse or midwife that I need help. So, for the three nice people that follow my blog, say a prayer for me here and there that God will grant me a safe delivery.

There are several things they do in Germany that they don't in the US and it worries me. First of all, they have no modesty at all. I was told that if I wanted to be covered during delivery, that I had to bring my own gown. The hospitals in Germany don't provide any form of gown. Secondly, they are anti-medication. A friend of mine underwent a hysterecomy here and they gave her no painkillers afterward. That bothers me as well. Last of all, I was told that they don't wash the baby the first day. They wipe them off to get the big stuff off but, once again, they don't want to put the baby through too much. These may sound like silly things to worry about, but I still do. I am very excited about meeting my baby. Nothing is as wonderful as hearing that first cry. Well, I guess I have rambled too much now, I had a bit on my mind. Thanks to those that read.

What can children NOT break!

Rebekah stomps down the hallway into her room, across the floor, and right on to a crayon. The crayon breaks under her little size 7 boots. Without glancing downward she stomps right on top of an open book, crushing several pages into a wrinkled mess. My first reaction is to shake her and ask her what she thinks she is doing, but I am so dumbfounded by the blatant disregard for her own property that I just stand there with my mouth open. When I finally get my wits about me, I tell her to get off her book, to pick it up off the floor,put it away, and the clean up the broken crayon. These are daily occurences at our house. It pains me to see that at such a young age my children already expect that they will get whatever they want and that if they should break something, there is no question about its being replaced. Where did I go wrong?

I believe my first mistake was buying them what they wanted because I wanted them to have it. It sounds easy to say no but, when your little ones sees something and lets out a squeal of excitement, you can't help but want to see the reaction again. TOY PURCHASED!

Secondly, I come to dread the tantrum that will ensue. Your child asks for a Barbie, horse, make-up, etc and you say no. The lip starts to quiver, then the foot stomps, along with a loud holler, scream, falling in the floor melt-down. Of course, everyone in the store comes to look at you, (I swear to see how you will handle it) while you try to pry your screaming banshee off the floor. Now, if I am simply browsing this is a quick fix, I leave the store. However, if I am grocery shopping and my kids want candy, or Dora cereal, or cookies and I say no, I have to deal with the screaming the rest of the isles. You can't beat your children in or out of public though the temptation arises. So, once again, ITEM PURCHASED.

Lastly, in my dire attempt to keep a clutter free house. I established a rule that with every toy that comes in, a toy has to go out. This seemed like a good idea until my daughter asked for a Dora house. I told her that she had a Barbie castle that she hardly plays with and that she doesn't need another house with loads of furniture. Her response was, "The Barbie castle is broken, we'll just give it to the poor children that don't have any toys." That was the last straw. We immediately sat down and had a talk about our possessions and what we do and do not give away. I told her that it was ok to give away toys that she doesn't use anymore but, they have to be nice, working toys that aren't beat-up, broken, missing pieces, colored on or stained.

The rest of the evening I pondered what I have been teaching my children. I strive for them to have the best toys, clothes, educational opportunities, and one day cars. Have I left something out. Perhaps how to demonstrate gratitude, respect and care for things we have been blessed with, sharing our wealth with those that are in need. This pondering led to more pondering. Have I started teaching them how to control themselves? Control their tempers, how to be gracious, how to build and maintain friendships, how we treat and talk to people? Astounded I sat down and decided that some things needed to change while they were still young enough to mold.

First of all, receiving gifts outside of special occasions will be a rarity. When any gift is received, it will be followed by a thank you card written or drawn by them.

Secondly, before we enter a store, I establish with them what we are going to buy and let them know that toys and candy are not an option so, do not ask.

Disregard of property will warant loosing the opportunity to play with that item for a pre-determined amount of time.

My mind still boggles when I think of all the other things that I need to teach them. Perhaps I will share as we tackle the issues. Parenting is so much fun but so much is like a chess game. You don't want to make a move too early, but if you wait too late, you loose the game.

A perfect life?

Well, my favorite time of year is here!! Autumn!! I love it, the cool air, the changing leaves and lots of walks through the farm fields of Germany. I love seeing the bright orange and red pumpkins that decorate the houses here and, the old, brick barns along the backroads piled full of pumpkins. In my perfect world I would wake early, spend time in prayer, prepare a scumptous breakfast for my family, ensure the radiators are pumping out enough heat and have my favorite candles filling the room with just the right ambiance. I would have plenty of time to scrub my kids faces and sticky hands before dressing them in matching outfits that I picked out and they love. We would be jovial as we packed in the car and drove to work/daycare singing our favorite songs. After the day was over I would bring my mini mees home to a dinner that I had thoughtfully planned and prepared the night before so that I can spend time with my children while it is cooking. My house would be emmaculate and decorated in all forms of fall decor. Which was tidily packed away until needed. The whole family would decorate together and we would all enjoy each others company. We would spend time reading books cuddled up in a blanket drinking hot chocolate or coffee! Home would be a tranquil place of rest and relaxation. I would get my children washed up and in the bed at an early hour so that I could spend time with my husband watching football or chatting about politics or plannning our future. Him and I would them retire to bed at a decent hour!!

HOWEVER,

I find that I live in a world where I struggle to rise by 0600 so that I have just enough time to get myself dressed, wake the girls up, argue about what they are willing to wear and try to convince them to eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal while I pack lunches and gather homework. We get out of the house to the car, now arguing about who is going to get in first. No one can agree on music so, I turn it off. One child is trying to wipe boogers on the other and both are screaming because the other is trying to look out the others window. I drop off my munchkins at daycare with a peck on the cheek and quick bye. After work, I gather my herd and we start the drive home, which is usually peaceful. We pull into the drive and of course the girls only have eyes for dad! I follow them in the house where they have dropped bookbags, lunchboxes, and coats before they walked to their room. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to try to get going for dinner. The girls beg for a movie. Trying to be a good mother, I suggest reading a book or playing a game of hide-and-seek or coloring pictures. They try for about 10 minutes then they are arguing over the coloring book or crayons, so, wore-out, I put a movie in. The girls then veg out hanging upside down on the couch. I prepare dinner and call everyone to the table. This takes another 15 minutes to get everyone assembled. Hannah sits down and immediately points out everything she doesn't like. I insist she try everything and then it falls silent for about 10 minutes.

After dinner we start to clean kitchen, shower kids, get laundry started, try to clean one room in the house, attempt to do homework, read to the kids and get them in bed by 8:00pm. At this point, I'm too tired to think straight. I know that I should get dinner prepped for tomorrow night, and pick out the girls clothes tonight so that tomorrow morning will be smoother. I still see toys strown throughout the house, toothpaste stuck in the sink, dirty clothes....everywhere! Have I done devotions today??? I thought about it but did I actually do it? I shower, while my husband goes to lay down in bed. I come in read my Bible then fall asleep while praying. WAKE UP, did I blow the candles out? Fade back to sleep.

It is exhausting and it is hard most of the time but, it is still a good life!! We have lots of really good days mixed in. Days that I forgo homework, or forgo cleaning so that we can get in a game of chase, or go for one of those treasured walks. I do love my life...of course I do wonder how I will manage when number three gets here. Everyone tells me that that is when chaos enters the house! HA! Chaos entered mine a long time ago. I still burn my ambiance filling candles that I love, and with the help of a maid that comes every other week, I manage to keep the house under control. Rob usually packs all the lunches for the following day so that alleviates some work in the morning. I do my devotions and I pray in the shower so that I don't fall asleep. Bedtime is closer to 10:00pm or a little after. All in all, i wouldn't change my life for anything.