A perfect life?

Well, my favorite time of year is here!! Autumn!! I love it, the cool air, the changing leaves and lots of walks through the farm fields of Germany. I love seeing the bright orange and red pumpkins that decorate the houses here and, the old, brick barns along the backroads piled full of pumpkins. In my perfect world I would wake early, spend time in prayer, prepare a scumptous breakfast for my family, ensure the radiators are pumping out enough heat and have my favorite candles filling the room with just the right ambiance. I would have plenty of time to scrub my kids faces and sticky hands before dressing them in matching outfits that I picked out and they love. We would be jovial as we packed in the car and drove to work/daycare singing our favorite songs. After the day was over I would bring my mini mees home to a dinner that I had thoughtfully planned and prepared the night before so that I can spend time with my children while it is cooking. My house would be emmaculate and decorated in all forms of fall decor. Which was tidily packed away until needed. The whole family would decorate together and we would all enjoy each others company. We would spend time reading books cuddled up in a blanket drinking hot chocolate or coffee! Home would be a tranquil place of rest and relaxation. I would get my children washed up and in the bed at an early hour so that I could spend time with my husband watching football or chatting about politics or plannning our future. Him and I would them retire to bed at a decent hour!!

HOWEVER,

I find that I live in a world where I struggle to rise by 0600 so that I have just enough time to get myself dressed, wake the girls up, argue about what they are willing to wear and try to convince them to eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal while I pack lunches and gather homework. We get out of the house to the car, now arguing about who is going to get in first. No one can agree on music so, I turn it off. One child is trying to wipe boogers on the other and both are screaming because the other is trying to look out the others window. I drop off my munchkins at daycare with a peck on the cheek and quick bye. After work, I gather my herd and we start the drive home, which is usually peaceful. We pull into the drive and of course the girls only have eyes for dad! I follow them in the house where they have dropped bookbags, lunchboxes, and coats before they walked to their room. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to try to get going for dinner. The girls beg for a movie. Trying to be a good mother, I suggest reading a book or playing a game of hide-and-seek or coloring pictures. They try for about 10 minutes then they are arguing over the coloring book or crayons, so, wore-out, I put a movie in. The girls then veg out hanging upside down on the couch. I prepare dinner and call everyone to the table. This takes another 15 minutes to get everyone assembled. Hannah sits down and immediately points out everything she doesn't like. I insist she try everything and then it falls silent for about 10 minutes.

After dinner we start to clean kitchen, shower kids, get laundry started, try to clean one room in the house, attempt to do homework, read to the kids and get them in bed by 8:00pm. At this point, I'm too tired to think straight. I know that I should get dinner prepped for tomorrow night, and pick out the girls clothes tonight so that tomorrow morning will be smoother. I still see toys strown throughout the house, toothpaste stuck in the sink, dirty clothes....everywhere! Have I done devotions today??? I thought about it but did I actually do it? I shower, while my husband goes to lay down in bed. I come in read my Bible then fall asleep while praying. WAKE UP, did I blow the candles out? Fade back to sleep.

It is exhausting and it is hard most of the time but, it is still a good life!! We have lots of really good days mixed in. Days that I forgo homework, or forgo cleaning so that we can get in a game of chase, or go for one of those treasured walks. I do love my life...of course I do wonder how I will manage when number three gets here. Everyone tells me that that is when chaos enters the house! HA! Chaos entered mine a long time ago. I still burn my ambiance filling candles that I love, and with the help of a maid that comes every other week, I manage to keep the house under control. Rob usually packs all the lunches for the following day so that alleviates some work in the morning. I do my devotions and I pray in the shower so that I don't fall asleep. Bedtime is closer to 10:00pm or a little after. All in all, i wouldn't change my life for anything.

Dealing with Fear

Fear is one of the most paralyzing things that influence a person's life. I have had my battle with this emotion off and on for the past 10 years. Fear of leaving home, fear of not passing tech school, fear of not being able to learn my new job, fear of getting married, fear of deploying to the desert, fear of being pregnant, fear of giving birth, fear of being deployed again, fear of SIDS, fear of my baby choking, fear of them falling, fear of them drowning, etc the cycle never stops. After much prayer I have started to win the battle again. Now, fear rears its ugly head again. A couple weeks ago I started bleeding, and for anyone 12 weeks pregnant that is a bad thing. I tried to maintain composure, tried not to fear what could be happening. I went to the doctor and happily found out that the baby was fine. However, my placenta was attaching itself to my cervix...bad. I was put on bed rest and told to take it easy or I would wind up in the hospital. So, I battled with fear again. I was scared of almost everything because the most simple thing like walking around the house would start the bleeding again. I did spend time in prayer and instead of God telling me that I would be healed, He opened my eyes to the opportunity that laid in front of me. I am able for almost 4 weeks to spend everyday with my girls. They don't have to go to preschool, they get to stay with me. We love it. We have breakfast together, do color pages together and then I watch them while they play. I've never had the opportunity to have this much uninterrupted time with them. I don't know what the future holds for our family, but right now I don't think about it. I enjoy the day I have with my girls and take advantage of loving them!